"Everything is Good"

It's been a good while since I've written something here, and I find myself in a entirely different place in my life than when I wrote here in the past.

I'm lost, don't know I wound up here or how to get back, I only know that I can't stand the shape I'm in.

I have everything I've ever wanted, a wife and kids that adore me, a job that I love, a nice house, and relatively good health. Everything that nearly every blue collar man in America could ask for, but I'm still not happy.

I feel like a prisoner in my own skin. I'm not the husband or father that my family deserves and needs and I'm ashamed of that fact.

I've been putting up a front to everyone that cares for me, just telling them "everything is good" when they ask how I'm doing. Everything is not ok, I'm miserable.

I don't sleep well no matter what time I go to bed and I know it's because my soul is tired, I've been feeding it worthless junk for so long now that it is slowing dying because of the unhealthy things I've been feeding it.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me. That is not my intentions. If this post reaches you, know that I love you and consider you one of my people. I don't let a lot of folks inside of my walls. If you read this please pray for me, I'm tired and I don't know to find the rest I need.

                                             Love you all,
                                                                Josh